What struck me in this article was how many (46%) admitted to cheating in a relationship, but I’m guessing the real number is much higher than that? Things aren’t always black and white but I do believe if one is on the path to cheat on their partner, there’s obviously a lot more that’s wrong than right in the relationship itself and the actual act of cheating is just you telling yourself, it’s over. I know this is a hot-button issue - what do you think?
I found this article eye opening and heartbreaking, and it was about much more than the already loaded concept of adultery. She went through a whole sexual identity shift, so it’s hard for me to imagine her emotional state. I am new to marriage, just 1.5 years, though I was with someone for years prior, and he was abusive, unfaithful, the worst. Where I am right now, I can’t even contemplate adultery, but I also don’t judge the author for it. This line was a kick to my gut: It never occurred to me that you and your partner are a fledgling tree whose branches can grow in opposite directions through the years, even if you still love the other to the root." - I hope this doesn’t happen to me, but it has me rethinking the various paths that can lead to the same outcome of adultery.
It’s interesting when they break down the reasons.
Awwwww… that line though…… yes heartbreaking but it’s so true. I wish society made it ok to go in separate directions and not have it be such a tragedy. It’s already difficult enough between the two people, why layer on all the legal complications of separation and divorce and custody battles. We should just be made to renew the contract after 2-3 years haha. I just don’t understand why it always has to be either Til Death do Is Apart or nothing…….
Wow, 46%, yikes, that makes me feel sad, and makes me question how natural monogamy is for people. I think many people are not cut out for committing to one person, and they try to force something unnatural, because they love someone or due to societal pressures. I just do not think I am capable of cheating, on a deep level I feel it is so wrong to lie to someone I love so much. If there was a problem I would want to talk about it. That said, I have forgiven a cheater before, and in the end I still broke up with him, because the issues were deep rooted in him. The reason he cheated was that he did not love himself, he had been abused and had trauma not dealt with properly, and he was self-sabotaging because he felt he was not good enough for me. The reasons people cheat are interesting, and it is complicated. In some cases, I can find empathy for the cheater, and in others, I just think they’re a selfish asshole. People and relationships are not black and white, so we need to know what our own boundaries are, because they change sometimes, but some things are a deal breaker. In my opinion, if you want to see what else is out there, go be single and fuck off. Don’t lie to people and string them along, because you don’t know what you want, or have unresolved issues. Sort yourself out, be honest, talk to a therapist, but IF you truly love the person you are with, I believe you have to be honest and able to have the tough conversations. That is how I want to be treated so that is how I treat people I love.
Revisiting this - thank you for sharing your experience, it’s remarkable you are able to find empathy. I think you give him a lot of credit, which speaks (I would guess) to your openness and caring nature.
I didn’t want to start a whole new thread about this, so I found a thread in the vein of adultery, and am glad as it gave me a chance to read your perspective! I’ve been cheated on, and I am sure it hurt, but numbness has taken over because of how dangerous that previous relationship was.
I wonder if you can be numb AS the cheater, as well as the one who was cheated on?
Same! Everyone is so dramatic and SERIOUS!